arrgghhhhh....

I just feel so mad now...i don't know how and where to show it.So i thought maybe if i blog about my anger it might help. I feel sooo angry ....but the thing is even i don't know why i am angry or maybe i know the reason but I'm just to ashamed to think that way. haih...I'm reading my history now.Hot tears keep rolling down my face...so weird..i cant be crying bout our history...no offence I'm reading about Islam.Nothing touchy about it.This is so not me..getting simply angry and frustrated for no reason.Feel like shouting my guts off.AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! People might just think I'm crazy...maybe i am. Goddd...what is happening to me.Why on earth I'm thinking like this...I feel like tearing my freaking heart apart. Feel so crushed and sad...I want ice cream.That can cool me down.It normally does when i get depressed.Geee...im talking as though i have reached menopause. Now I'm calming myself down by listening to music while studying...and i feel i have this inner voice.Like I'm talking to myself...What the hell ??!!! I CANT TAKE IT......:(

i give up

It has been 4 years i know you. We haven been through this before but til today i see no changes. So i just give up upon you. I have never meet anyone like you before. But i actually like for who you are- straight forward, caring and loving. But you just hurt people's feelings so deeply without even thinking before you open you mouth. So i gave you time to change although they were many bad talks behind you which i knew all about.So as i friend i did not want to hurt your feelings instead i came all those bad talks into a tank which is my heart.Sooner or later the tank will burst.Guess what, it did...at that point my anger was off hands that i could not think what was right and wrong so i saw you online and scolded you...trust me in a very nice way but you only replied as sarcasms.I was soooo pist off.Then when school reopen we did not talk because i hated looking at you.You really let me down was the thing that kept flashing into my mind when i looked at you. You did not even bother to say anything to any of us instead you ignored us.So yesterday when i saw you chatting with one of our gang i was like..so in the mood to talk already la. Then when i find out why you were ignoring us i got even more pist off because it was not relevant at all.The only thing that i could solve it was confront you.So I spoke to you in private.Your reasons was soooo stupid.It was so unreasonable....according to you, you think the way i scold you was wrong because through facebook???!! my dear i was filled with anger i saw you online so i just burst out.I cant be thinking what is right and wrong...i cant control my anger. Don't think I'm always laughing and smiling i don't have anger issues.Then you said you cant change not even reduce or control it but we have to adjust to your attitude...What the hell????!!!! we have been adjusting with your attitude for 4 years ...why cant you do the same thing???!! When we were doing the talk...you were crying.I did not even bother crying cause its just a waste of time.My heart was boiling with anger....I did not even feel like looking at you.Then it was getting late and we had to go...we did not even conclude anything.The talk was just a waste of time.First time in life....i actually don't bother concluding a fight. I just gave up...i don't care....

after so long

I really like this feeling. Knowing you will be there for me. After my first love, i just found that i can fall in love again. I really like u RR. I know im still young and i cant afford using the word 'love'.But you make me complete. Knowing everyday i will be hearing your voice through our small conversations through our calls makes me happy. I never felt like this for a really long time.All i could say is thank you.I never knew we would end up together. Never knew all things are happening so fast. Al though it has only been a month we are together yet i feel i have been with you forever. Hmmmm....I know i can never predict our future.So i dont know when will this end.For now im going to enjoy every moment with you...kk...gtg..RR is on the phone. :)